more fortunes

#49
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Author
winny
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Sept. 8, 2020, 4:34 a.m.
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It's not?  Are you saying that you SHOULD allow people (other than William
Wallace) to shoot lightning bolts from their arse?
		-- Seth Galbraith
"We wanted to build the chat system of the future, and we
ended up with application-layer multicast streaming media. In 1999.
We were a bit ahead of our time []"

[] This is marketing-speak for wrong; you can say the same thing
for a batters swing when he takes a strike.

    -- Thomas Ptacek, http://www.matasano.com/log/914/
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
		-- Laurence J. Peter
Marriage is an institution in which two undertake to become one, and one
undertakes to become nothing.
"All God's children are not beautiful.	Most of God's children are, in fact,
barely presentable."
		-- Fran Lebowitz
YOW!!  What should the entire human race DO??  Consume a fifth of
CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!
When it comes to broken marriages most husbands will split the blame --
half his wife's fault, and half her mother's.
idiot box, n.:
	The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the
	stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Nothing that's forced can ever be right,
If it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
That's what she said as she turned out the light,
And we bent our backs as slaves of the night,
Then she lowered her guard and showed me the scars
She got from trying to fight
Saying, oh, you'd better believe it.
[...]
Well nothing that's real is ever for free
And you just have to pay for it sometime.
She said it before, she said it to me,
I suppose she believed there was nothing to see,
But the same old four imaginary walls
She'd built for livin' inside
I said oh, you just can't mean it.
[...]
Well nothing that's forced can ever be right,
If it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
That's what she said as she turned out the light,
And she may have been wrong, and she may have been right,
But I woke with the frost, and noticed she'd lost
The veil that covered her eyes,
I said oh, you can leave it.
		-- Al Stewart, "If It Doesn't Come Naturally, Leave It"
I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
What's done to children, they will do to society.
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
Of ______course it's the murder weapon.  Who would frame someone
with a fake?
How many chunks could checkchunk check if checkchunk could check chunks?
	-- Alan Cox
The eyes of taxes are upon you.
Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow,
Bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow.
None has ever caught him yet, for Tom, he is the master:
His songs are stronger songs, and his feet are faster.
		-- J. R. R. Tolkien
God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to
receive it.
		-- Austin O'Malley
Never volunteer for anything.
		-- Lackland
It's the thought, if any, that counts!
I am changing my name to Chrysler
I am going down to Washington, D.C.
I will tell some power broker
	What they did for Iacocca
Will be perfectly acceptable to me!

I am changing my name to Chrysler,
I am heading for that great receiving line.
When they hand a million grand out,
	I'll be standing with my hand out,
Yessir, I'll get mine!
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
		-- Wilson Mizner
The end of the world will occur at three p.m., this Friday, with
symposium to follow.
 "Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully."
		-- Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
We are stronger than our skin of flesh and metal, for we carry and share a
spectrum of suns and lands that lends us legends as we craft our immortality
and interweave our destinies of water and air, leaving shadows that gather
color of their own, until they outshine the substance that cast them.
Something better...

13 (sympathetic): Oh, What happened?  Did your parents lose a bet with God?
14 (complimentary): You must love the little birdies to give them this to
	perch on.
15 (scientific): Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
16 (obscure): Oh, I'd hate to see the grindstone.
17 (inquiry): When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
18 (french): Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you
	leave.
19 (pornographic): Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
20 (religious): The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn't He.
21 (disgusting): Say, who mows your nose hair?
22 (paranoid): Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
23 (aromatic): It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the
	coffee ... in Brazil.
24 (appreciative): Oooo, how original.  Most people just have their teeth
	capped.
25 (dirty): Your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?
		-- Steve Martin, "Roxanne"
"When in doubt, print 'em out."
		-- Karl's Programming Proverb 0x7
Sorry never means having your say to love.
No spitting on the Bus!
Thank you, The Mgt.
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
		-- Dwight Eisenhower
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
		-- Dorothy Parker
You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
Sic Transit Gloria Thursdi.
C for yourself.
The function of the expert is not to be more right than other people,
but to be wrong for more sophisticated reasons.
		-- Dr. David Butler, British psephologist
"I never let my schooling get in the way of my education."
		-- Mark Twain
The onset and the waning of love make themselves felt in the uneasiness
experienced at being alone together.
		-- Jean de la Bruyere
Gibson's Springtime Song (to the tune of "Deck the Halls"):

'Tis the season to chase mousies (Fa la la la la, la la la la)
Snatch them from their little housies (...)
First we chase them 'round the field (...)
Then we have them for a meal (...)

Toss them here and catch them there (...)
See them flying through the air (...)
Watch them fly and hear them squeal (...)
Falling mice have great appeal (...)

See the hunter stretched before us (...)
He's chased the mice in field and forest (...)
Watch him clean his long white whiskers (...)
Of the blood of little critters (...)
"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
After all my erstwhile dear,
My no longer cherished,
Need we say it was not love,
Just because it perished?
		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Sick Building Migration:
	The tendency of younger workers to leave or avoid jobs in
unhealthy office environments or workplaces affected by the Sick
Building Syndrome.
		-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
		   Culture"
I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.
		-- John D. Rockefeller
Wad some power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us.
		-- R. Burns
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
		-- Jules Feiffer
<tausq> Q. What's the difference between Batman and Bill Gates?
<tausq> A. When Batman fought the Penguin, he won.
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
		-- Princess Leia Organa
The trouble with heart disease is that the first symptom is often hard to
deal with: death.
		-- Michael Phelps
Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.

It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
Most people prefer certainty to truth.
October.

This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.

The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August, and February.

		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
He who laughs last hasn't been told the terrible truth.
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in
the morning feeling just terrible.
		-- Jean Kerr
Having a baby isn't so bad.  If you're a female Emperor penguin in the
Antarctic.  She lays the egg, rolls it over to the father, then takes off
for warmer weather where she eats and eats and eats.  For two months, the
father stands stiff, without food, blind in the 24-hour dark, balancing
the egg on his feet.  After the little penguin is hatched, the mother
sees fit to come home.
		-- L. M. Boyd, "Austin American-Statesman"
The all-softening overpowering knell,
The tocsin of the soul, -- the dinner bell.
		-- Lord Byron
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
		-- Fred Allen
Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST!  I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
The amount of time between slipping on the peel and landing on the
pavement is precisely 1 bananosecond.
What is status?
	Status is when the President calls you for your opinion.

Uh, no...
	Status is when the President calls you in to discuss a
	problem with him.

Uh, that still ain't right...
	STATUS is when you're in the Oval Office talking to the President,
	and the phone rings.  The President picks it up, listens for a
	minute, and hands it to you, saying, "It's for you."
The public demands certainties;  it must be told definitely and a bit
raucously that this is true and that is false.  But there are no certainties.
		-- H. L. Mencken, "Prejudice"
If you think the pen is mightier than the sword, the next time someone pulls
out a sword I'd like to see you get up there with your Bic.
See label for sequence.
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed.
		-- Neil Armstrong
Q:	What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?
A:	Chewing gum.
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!
Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!
Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!
		-- J. R. R. Tolkien
Give your very best today.  Heaven knows it's little enough.
If an average person on the subway turns to you, like an ancient mariner,
and starts telling you her tale, you turn away or nod and hope she stops,
not just because you fear she might be crazy.  If she tells her tale on
camera, you might listen.  Watching strangers on television , even
responding to them from a studio audience, we're disengaged -- voyeurs
collaborating with exhibitionists in rituals of sham community.  Never
have so many known so much about people for whom they cared so little.
		-- Wendy Kaminer commenting on testimonial television
		   in "I'm Dysfunctional, You're Dysfunctional".
As for the basic assumptions about individuality and self, this is the core
of what I like about cyberpunk. And it's the core of what I like about certain
pre-gibson neophile techie SF writers that certain folks here like to put
down. Not everyone makes the same assumptions. I haven't lost my mind... it's
backed up on tape.
		-- Peter da Silva
Hardware, n.:
	The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Therefore, a man without a woman is like a bicycle without a fish.
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
	Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Ambiguity:
	Telling the truth when you don't mean to.
During the voyage of life, remember to keep an eye out for a fair wind; batten
down during a storm; hail all passing ships; and fly your colors proudly.
Some primal termite knocked on wood.
And tasted it, and found it good.
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
		-- Ogden Nash
The one sure way to make a lazy man look respectable is to put a fishing
rod in his hand.
Five people -- an Englishman, Russian, American, Frenchman and Irishman
were each asked to write a book on elephants.  Some amount of time later they
had all completed their respective books.  The Englishman's book was entitled
"The Elephant -- How to Collect Them", the Russian's "The Elephant -- Vol. I",
the American's "The Elephant -- How to Make Money from Them", the Frenchman's
"The Elephant -- Its Mating Habits" and the Irishman's "The Elephant and
Irish Political History".
Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.
		-- John Updike, "Couples"
No guts, no glory.
Swipple's Rule of Order:
	He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
No use getting too involved in life -- you're only here for a limited time.
The best way to preserve a right is to exercise it, and the right to
smoke is a right worth dying for.
neutron bomb, n.:
	An explosive device of limited military value because, as
	it only destroys people without destroying property, it
	must be used in conjunction with bombs that destroy property.
Carson's Observation on Footwear:
	If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.
The great merit of society is to make one appreciate solitude.
		-- Charles Chincholles, "Reflections on the Art of Life"
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur.
	[Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.]
I'm personally quite happy with one stable release every two years, and
am of the opinion that trying to release more will mean we'll have to
rename the distro from "stable" to "wobbly".
		-- Scott James Remnant on debian-devel
QOTD:
	 "It's not the despair... I can stand the despair.  It's the hope."
Where there's a will, there's a relative.
brain-damaged, generalization of "Honeywell Brain Damage" (HBD), a
theoretical disease invented to explain certain utter cretinisms in
Multics, adj:
	Obviously wrong; cretinous; demented.  There is an implication
	that the person responsible must have suffered brain damage,
	because he/she should have known better.  Calling something
	brain-damaged is bad; it also implies it is unusable.
Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
		-- Fred Allen

[Also attributed to S. Clay Wilson.  Ed.]
"I didn't know it was impossible when I did it."
* Knghtktty is not going to ask how zucchini got into the discussion ...
He who knows, does not speak.  He who speaks, does not know.
		-- Lao Tsu
I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building.
		-- Charles Schulz
"Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not
make the simple next step of supporting multitasking."
		-- George McFry